Sometimes I get moving so fast and so “productive” that I don’t leave room for remembering…for letting the whole memory just sink in. Yes. Just let it come and take a deep breath. Hear her little voice…”deep breath mama”. Inhale…. Exhale.
These memories…It can be dangerous at times, darn near incapacitating. However, there are times when I can let it all seep in…the smell of her snacks, the sound of her begging me to “dop” the stroller, the water bottle being flung at high speed, the cell phone crashing into the pavement, and her big ol’ smiling, toothy grinning face is coming through the back of the stroller (you stroller peeps know what I mean). Sometimes this remembering can cause pain…emotional pain, uncontrollable tears, exhaustion, and it’s rough. But that’s okay because also comes the presence. I can feel her. I can feel her right with me. Her warmth. Her joy. She isn’t in the stroller. I can’t squeeze her like I wish I could. But she is with me. She is holding on to the shoulders of my tank top. I can literally feel her lifting me up as I run down the path. Her little angel wings are a fluttering and keeping her a flight and we are together again. She is there. She is everywhere. I never have to wonder where she is. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I know she is with Jesus. I know she is in heaven and all is well and peace surrounds us all.
Such a necessary reminder…take a minute or a few minutes and turn off the podcast…silence your ringer…close your eyes…and let yourself feel the one you miss. Breath it all in. They are truly here. They are everywhere. Peace is all around us.
-Kelly Jandernoa, Executive Director of Red Glasses Movement and Audrey’s Mom